Wednesday, November 19, 2014

I Drink I Can, I Drink I Can

All aboard the dumbass express!
Boy, keeping up with this blog is almost as easy as SC House Speaker Bobby Harrell remaining ethical in office. We haven't done Is It Spartanburg? in a while, and I've got a good one for y'all, albeit a few weeks old. Guess which story is real:

1. Drunk Man Holds Up Train; Forces it to Go to Charlotte
2. Drag Race on Train Tracks Ends Tragically
3. Train Drives Over Drunk Man Asleep on Tracks, No Injuries

A fascination with trains seems to be in the cards for every young man, and it starts at an early age. My nephew adored Thomas the Train early in his life, and I especially took delight (to my sister's disapproval) of having him repeat the name of Thomas' best friend, Percy. If you don't see the humor in this, ask a 3-year-old to say "Percy" and giggle foolishly at your own immaturity.

This fascination apparently extends into adult years, especially when intoxicated. Sometimes a superhero who had the misfortune of being born in a bad location emerges, and such may be the case with this inebriated fellow. Police say the man passed out on the train tracks, his beer still upright. Although this should be a recipe for a filleted redneck, this gentleman managed to escape all injury as the train passed over. Even better, you can catch some police footage at the link.

He did not escape the long arm of Spartanburg's finest as he was charged with trespassing on train tracks (a real crime in SC) and public intoxication.

In Holy City news, the first SC gay marriage ceremony took place in Charleston today following a federal judge striking down the state ban. Since we're one of the notches in the Bible Belt that gets used often after Thanksgiving dinner, there has been much weeping and gnashing of Scripture following the ruling.

Charleston, however, has not been smote from the heavens, there have been no riots in the streets, and traffic on the Mark Clark still sucks at the same rate. The word is church services and hangover brunches will still continue as scheduled this weekend. Sunday Funday is still a go.