Tuesday, July 8, 2014

A City that Sparkles

Introducing Spartanburg's new city flag.
Whenever I see an amusing crime headline online coming out of South Carolina, or sometimes anywhere in the nation, I like to play a game called "Is it Spartanburg?" It's a simple game, really. If I click on it and the dateline reads my hometown, I pat myself on the back and take a swig of beer. If I lose, I skip the pat and still take a swig.

Since Spartanburg holds the title of South Carolina's most dangerous city and is the 12th most dangerous place to live in the U.S., there are no doubt a wealth of crime stories coming out of Sparkle City. And many of them are absurd. As Bill states in Tallyho in the Squat, if Spartanburg had a city flag, it would be black with a chalk body outline.

So in what I've decided to be a weekly segment here, I'm going to let you play my favorite game at home. Beer swigs not included. I'll give you three off-the-wall crime headlines, and you have to guess which ones occurred in Spartanburg. Here is your first entry:

Bullets Fired into Home Shoot Down Fan

Woman Tries to Sell GPS to Trucker She Stole it From

Wedding Ring Found in Goldfish Snack Bag

Man Fires Shots at Toddler's Birthday Party

So which one is in Spartanburg? Okay, I cheated this time. They all are! And that's just for the past week. Granted, a discovered wedding ring isn't a crime story, but I found it unique no less. The most Spartanburg County-esque one was the shooting at the birthday party, although thankfully no one was injured. In that one, police say the suspect shot a .22 pistol and then a BB gun into the ground during an argument with someone else at the party.

I'll try to keep the stories recent. But it's hard not to go back to classic blasts from the past like this one. Or the time truck hitch testicles making one sheriff's deputy ornery. Or when things get really hot down in the South, just grab an ice cream and stick your family jewels in a money deposit bag.

But sometimes, the news out of there gets really grim.

In good news out of Spartanburg (but probably bad news for police), another Blue Law takes a tumble as Sunday alcohol sales get the green light in the county. This should no doubt produce some fun stories after church for me to share with you. Cheers.

No comments:

Post a Comment